Depressed 2

It's the most awful feeling. You just get tired of battling the negative thoughts. You keep choosing to create and receive positive thoughts but then the negative just floods in... But as I'm writing this I just thought on and prayed Isaiah 59:19 "... when the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord shall lift up a standard against him" (KJV). Other translations say that... God will drive him (the enemy) out. This encouraging word makes me feel a lot better.

Loved ones say they understand when one is having a depressed episode (cause it's nothing but drama) but really they don't. What they really mean when they say that is that I understand that you are down but I don't understand why. They begin to think you are using "depression" as an excuse to not do something or to have a pity party. That it's a reason to not live or have fun with them. And they don't see that there is never the intention for those things. Who doesn't want to live and have fun? I know that I do.

It's absolutely awful to be a depressed Christian to my husband - my testimony is weak to him. He hasn't stated this. But I see how he wishes I were more consistently upbeat. I'm this sexy confident and awesome woman one day and then I'm totally fragile or closed down the next. It's too dramatic for him sometimes, I think.

No matter what people say, they don't really see depression as a sickness. They simply see it as a mood. They don't see it as a handicap, but rather as a crutch. And they just want to kick it out from underneath us. And to be honest, I wish they could. But overall, people who suffer from depression have not chosen to have to fight these mental and often physical battles.

Depression makes one feel unnecessarily tired and drained on top of already being tired and drained from your day. It is emotional garbage dumped amongst a full (or not so full) day.
You sit and say, "Why do I feel like this? Why am I having so many negative thoughts?" It's as if there is always another you trying to break free and then after a while you start feeling like the depressed version of yourself is who you really are... Like this is my life. This is my thorn.